Anthony Burch

I've said the same shit on this askfm, and twitter, a few times. I hate that gamergate hijacked what could have been a legitimate discussion about breaches of consent and what a complex problem it is (if you have unprotected sex with someone else, then have unprotected sex with your partner without them knowing about it, and they catch something, is that a form of rape?). It's, of course, now impossible to have that discussion in that particular context, because then it becomes just part of the screaming cacophony of abuse and vitriol directed at her, and thus serves no purpose.

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He seems to be under the impression that because it was a private conversation, it's some sort of crazy stanky reveal. It's a pretty assholish thing to do, but it doesn't say anything I haven't already said a few times.

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That seems completely wrong to me. Fury Road *does* tell its own story with completely new characters (except Max, obviously) and not only doesn't rely on the past Max movies to provide enjoyment, but actively disregards every single thing about the series in general.

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I dunno what to tell you if you didn't think stuff like the space chess, 3PO's arm, the out-of-nowhere trench run, the trash compactor, or any number of other moments didn't feel totally forced to you.

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Honestly, the movie begins to fall apart for me the second Han shows up -- until then, it's an interesting new story about interesting new characters. Then it starts rehashing tons stuff and not letting these fun new characters do things of their own volition.

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I can go on for pages and pages about how bad and nonsensical the plot is, to the point where the film's own stakes are undermined because of how vague its plot andj world state are (to the point that even Phantom Menace actually has a better *plot*, even though its shitty characterization means it's a worse movie), but it doesn't really matter, does it?

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You liked it, I really didn't. That's fine. Neither of our lives should be drastically affected by this.

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The short answer is, "wait a while and try to be around your friends as much as possible." It's harder to cope with alone, and (at least for me) when I'm alone my dark, self-destructive thoughts tend to bubble to the surface much quicker and much more violently.

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If you can't talk to other friends about it, then keep doing what you're doing now -- find people on the internet who might care, even if it's just random subreddits or whatever, and talk to them if you need to.

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Though really, the best thing is talking to a therapist. I was hurting worse than I'd ever hurt in my life, but therapy gave me someone to vent to, and someone who could be both on my side when I needed them to be, but could contextualize and explain things to me when it was helpful, to the point where I now understand why our marriage couldn't possibly have worked for longer than it did and, as much as I didn't want it to happen and still miss her terribly, it was probably best for both of us that it ended.

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Failing all that? Time will eventually make it hurt less, because everything hurts less with time. Do things that make you happy. Don't feel guilty about indulging in a lot of self-care, whatever that means for you (videogames and junk food? You can work the pounds off later -- do what you gotta do).

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I personally had a ton of one night stands on Tinder right after my divorce, which helped my self esteem a bit, and got me used to talking to women again. Less healthy were my too-soon attempts at legitimate relationships that I wasn't really ready for (which very sadly resulted in my hurting a handful of people for reasons that were entirely my fault)

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Yeah, I mean...

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So, here's the thing. I wrote him and, in my head, I thought of him as straight. Through the years I worked on the game and got slowly less and less shitty about my own internalized homophobia, I may have accidentally made him say some stuff that comes across as gay jokes. And that's terrible, and I'm sorry if I did that (I don't remember any specifics, but people say Jack seemingly jokes about hitting on dudes in a potentially homophobic way and I believe them).

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So if it's easier to believe that he's bi than that he is a homophobic character or that the universe of the game believes it's okay to make fun of gay people, then I understand that. I also understand not wanting him to be bi because it may not be fully supported in the story, or because having a psychopathic abuser being bisexual isn't exactly a step forward for bi visibility.

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I wish I knew. It's fucking difficult, because the line between "this one particular person or group of people is awful" and "this entire philosophy as a whole responds to things incorrectly" (which I don't believe is generally true) gets extremely blurry on twitter, where the only stuff that rises above the noise is snark and anger. And people get angrier when you tell them that their anger is excessive, because it's "tone policing," which is often a real problem from people in power. But sometimes, it isn't "tone policing," it's "holy shit stop saying that you want this person to die or come to harm, or stop unloading on them with an unyielding, blind fury that makes you look like an angry stereotype of a progressive person and by extension makes the rest of us look like radicals and buffoons".

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So, I dunno what to do about that, really.

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(psst don't call it friendzoning that makes it seem like she's being cruel or selfish or something when the reality is that she's just not attracted to you at all and doesn't want to be mean about it; things made much more sense to me when i stopped thinking of it as the friendzone and started thinking of it as the uglyzone)

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So, this is a big struggle. A lot of people I know have an easy time being friends with people they're in love with/attracted to. I kinda don't -- it's difficult for me.

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If you'd asked me this a few years ago, I would have suggested you do what I do most of the time, and just never speak to that person ever again to save yourself the heartache.

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However. My friend, who is MUCH smarter than me, recommends two things: firstly, acknowledge that this kind of thing happens all the time. You will develop crushes on people and your brain will make them into something they're not -- every crush must MEAN something, this girl must be the ONE, she must be the ONLY person who can make me feel this way. Part of getting over this feeling is understanding that, actually, there's nothing THAT special about this person. You've felt this way before, and will feel this way again, and it's just your brain saying X and Y and Z when given certain inputs about a person.

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Secondly, try to accept that your brain solipsistically interprets everything in terms of ME. It's hard for us to not wish that everyone we liked was in relationships with us or having sex with us, and that's what leads to us desiring them like they're the goddamned antidote to a poison, and what makes us get so stupendously jealous when they start smooching other people. Understanding that this is just something our brain does, and that it's inherently kind of shitty ("she should be with me" implies she's not smart enough to know what she wants/what'd be good for her), and that it's NORMAL and NOT SPECIAL, makes it easier to just ignore.

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Like, yes, you're in love with your friend. But it's not special. It's not a big deal. She's not the only person who could make you happy. Part of the reason you're feeling these intense feelings is specifically because she doesn't like you back (so you can imagine that it'd be SO AMAZING if she just DID like you back, rather than dealing with the messy reality of how actual relationships work). And the platonic affection from a friendship is easy to mistranslate as romantic affection, or to hope it morphs into romantic affection, so you're in this heightened state of suspense -- like it feels as if you're 99% of the way there and just need a little push.

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But you're not. And that's okay. It's normal. It's just your stupid brain. And it happens. And learning to be friends with someone you want to smooch is more important than smooching them, in the long run -- you're only going to smooch so many people, but you're gonna be friends with LOTS of them, and it's INEVITABLE that you'll be attracted to some of them.

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